Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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