she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drunk is not a location!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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