he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
