You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
