I'm gonna have a badass scar
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
