you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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