If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
