so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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