Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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