It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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