I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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