I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
