is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
