3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
