nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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