You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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