When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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