waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
