it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
