Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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