The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
