I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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