Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
