i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
is that a dick in a sweater?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
