The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
