You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
