He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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