so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
