Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
