just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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