and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
