Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
