playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
