Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
