The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
