I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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