dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
