There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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