no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
