Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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