Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
