You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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