I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
