I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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