Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
