The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
