Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
