I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
