she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
