I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
