took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
