Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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