My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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