do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Soap is not a condiment
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
