Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
