dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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