Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
