we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
