she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
